A priest and a taxi driver both died and went to heaven. St. Peter was at the Pearly gates waiting for them. “Come with me,” said St. Peter to the taxi driver.
The taxi driver did as he was told and followed St Peter to a mansion. It had everything you could imagine from a bowling alley to an Olympic size pool.
“Oh my word, thank you,” said the taxi driver. Next, St. Peter led the priest to a rough old shack with a bunk bed and a little old television set.
“Wait, I think you are a little mixed up,” said the priest. “Shouldn’t I be the one who gets the mansion? After all I was a priest, went to church every day, and preached God’s word.”
‘’Yes, that’s true.’ St Peter rejoined, ‘But during your sermons people slept. When the taxi driver drove, everyone prayed.”
* * * * * *
So there was this business executive who was late for a meeting. She is going 65 on a street where the speed limit is 40.
A cop pulls her over and says, “ma’am, can I please see your licence?”
She says, “I’m sorry, officer, but I got it revoked two years ago for drunk driving.”
His brow furrows and he straightens up.
“Well, can I please see the registration of your car?” She says “I stole the car and I killed the driver; he’s in the trunk.”
“Ma’am, DON’T MOVE! I’m calling for backup.” He mutters furiously into his walkie-talkie…
Five minutes later, half the squad pulls up; the Chief of Police walks over to the woman’s window.
“Ma’am, can I see your licence?” he asks sternly.
“Of course, officer,” she smiles demurely and pulls out a licence from her purse.
He squints warily at it.
“This looks legitimate,” he mumbles. “Can I see the registration to this car?”
She pulls it out of the glove compartment and hands it to him.
“Ma’am, stand back!” He bangs open the trunk of the car and flinches: but it was completely empty.
The woman brandishes a finger at the first cop and says accusingly, “And I’ll bet that liar told you I was speeding too!”
