Do you ever look at clouds, metaphorically speaking that is, from both sides now? If so, what are you looking for?
Answers, solutions, options, understanding or empathy? Joni Mitchell’s famous lyrics remind us that we don’t always see both sides of a question or an issue unless we make a concerted effort to search in more profound ways for meaning.
If only life’s questions were so simple that we had only two sides to consider. But that is no longer applicable in our complex world. With globalization and our ever-increasing population, it’s more like we have a multi-faceted prism of options—with each facet requiring thought and reflection—before we can come even close to finding the truth of a situation.
Like a sparkling cut diamond or the mirror fragments on a disco ball, the whole is larger than the sum of its parts. If it takes getting to the whole for us to get closer to the truth, then we’ve got our work cut out for us.
No doubt, this is more work than we might like it to be. However, it doesn’t have to be so time-consuming and tedious that we give up, throwing our hands up in the air in exasperation. No, it can be simpler than that.
It all starts with an awareness of ourselves: an awareness of what we bring to the table when considering a question, a problem, or an issue.
Our families, our cultures, our education, our experiences, where we were born and where we live now, our religion, our race, our passions, our joys, our fears, and our advantages and disadvantages all play a role in forming our biases.
In other words, you bring you and all that goes with you, to the matter at hand.
If you bring you, then I bring me: this is the two-person formula for dialogue. Two people might each take a different approach to any given situation or question, but what’s wrong with that? This presents an opportunity to examine more facets of the brilliant diamond or the shimmering disco ball that couldn’t have been explored otherwise. “You bring you, and I bring me” is a way of fostering inquiry and mutual understanding.
Let’s say there are two people, each with opposing views on climate change. (Might as well use the most contentious example of the day while we’re at it.) How can these two people have a discussion on climate change without getting into a conflict situation? By letting it be about finding the truth, instead of being about right or wrong—that’s how.
As Arthur Martine counselled in his timeless guide to the art of conversation, “In disputes upon moral or scientific points, ever let your aim be to come at truth, not to conquer your opponent. So you never shall be at a loss in losing the argument, and gaining a new discovery.”
I believe it’s worth our time to learn the art of conversation. For starters, we can recognize the “you bring you” and “I bring me” ingredients. Then, make seeking the truth our objective, remembering that discussions are not about conflict, but are about expanding awareness. As Canadians are famous for, always be polite.
And let’s do our best to learn something from the other party. I ask you, doesn’t this approach feel great?
You bet it does! Because this easy-to-follow recipe for civil discourse takes all the angst and fear out of discussing difficult topics with others.
Putting aside the need to be right, and arguing for the sake of finding the truth instead—now that’s in our best interest.
For more in your best interest, follow Sheelagh @sheesays or visit www.ideagarden.net.
