An Okotoks couple’s whirlwind romance has grown into nearly 30 years of marriage built on a foundation of faith, family, morals and music.
Terry and Andrea Siqueira are celebrating their 29th anniversary in 2021 and they say aside from love, it’s taken a lot of dedication, hard work, and faith in a divine plan that has kept the marriage going.
And Valentine's Day is just one more day in the avid runners love marathon. And like a marathon, there can be a few uphill struggles along the way.
“No marriage is perfect,” said Andrea. “Everyone has this big grandiose vision they’re going to be happily ever after – it’s not true. It’s supposed to be like that, but I feel in our experience it’s every day, every year, working together at marriage.”
It hasn’t always been an easy road, she said.
After being born in Mumbai, Terry had immigrated to Canada in 1969 with his family at age seven. His first visit back to his home country would define two lives.
On vacation in Hong Kong in 1991, Terry took an impromptu flight to India to visit family and friends. Andrea, 20 at the time, was in college and had known of Terry through their families, but the two had never met.
She went to the airport to greet him.
“Looking back that moment was pretty significant,” said Andrea. “At that time I was just excited to see him, but I just felt really comfortable, like we were long-lost friends. I’d never seen this person.”
After spending some time together the first evening, she took him to see her all-girls college the next day. It was there they took their first photo together.
“My friend took our very, very first picture together, in front of the alter at the chapel in my university,” said Andrea. “In retrospect, I don’t know how it could not be God’s way of telling us we belong to each other. Something was there.”
Terry left Mumbai for a three-day excursion to Goa, during which he couldn’t get Andrea off his mind. He decided that when he got back to Mumbai, he would tell her he liked her.
She was shocked when he greeted her with a kiss on their second meeting.
“I don’t know if it was love at first sight or what it was,” said Andrea. “It wasn’t planned. It happened so quickly.”
By the time he was heading back to Canada, he proposed to Andrea and they agreed to write letters for the next year, until elementary school teacher Terry could return to India during the summer.
They were married one year later, on Aug. 15.
“Trust, that’s what it was,” said Terry. “It happened pretty quickly but for me, it was you just feel comfortable with someone – like you meet someone and you feel like you’ve known them for a long time.”
After their marriage in August 1992, Terry returned to Canada and Andrea followed in February 1993.
They didn’t have much time as a newlywed couple before they would welcome their first baby, Jasmine, in November of the same year.
“We hadn’t even talked about how many kids we were going to have,” said Andrea.
Sons Ashton and Sebastian followed in 1995 and 1999 respectively, and Andrea’s life became one devoted to her children as a stay-at-home mom, while husband Terry worked full time as a teacher and taught private music lessons out of their home in the evenings.
It was frightening in the first few years, she said. Without her family nearby she had little support in a foreign community where she was trying to put down roots while handling three busy children.
“It was not easy,” said Andrea. “It was very tough. You go through stages of ups and downs and everything, but we pulled through.”
One of the best pieces of advice they received from friends was to take a vacation alone, without the children. It didn’t happen until 13 years into their marriage, but helped them connect with one another, she said.
As the kids got older, they also began to go out for the odd dinner, which also deepened their connection.
But the most prevalent common ground they’ve shared throughout their 29-year marriage has been their faith. As devout Catholics they have prayed together, played music at St. James Parish, been part of weddings and funeral services, and held firm to the belief that marriage is more than a piece of paper – it is a covenant.
That’s the first of what Terry referred to as the three most important aspects of their marriage. The second, he said, is practicing forgiveness and sacrifice regularly.
“You have to make a lot of sacrifice,” he said, noting they both gave up a lot of themselves in the first years as they struggled to balance double jobs, family life, finances and their own relationship.
The third key is emotional maturity and mutual respect, said Terry. It’s being able to agree to disagree, to appreciate one another’s opinions and ideas, and to handle arguments or issues with grace.
He said while playing music at a wedding years ago, the priest spoke about marriage as a garden, and it was a metaphor that stuck.
“Love is like a garden – everyone starts off in the garden and they’re all really happy, but then slowly the weeds start creeping in and people just think it will go away, but it has to be maintained,” said Terry. “One thing I’ve always liked about Andrea is she always fights back – she’ll say what’s on her mind right away.”
He said that has led to a lot of discussions over the years rather than keeping things bottled up, which is something they agreed is part of the strength behind their marriage.
Andrea said it’s important when arguments surface to have the grace to forgive, provide one another space to think and cool down, and always return to where you began.
“I think it’s very easy to give up, and how many times we thought about giving up in our marriage, because it wasn’t easy,” she said. “It took a lot but I think also we had this trust and we had our faith that always brought us back, and our beautiful family and friends who have also held us up.”
There’s nothing easy about life or marriage, she said. The key for the Siqueiras has been working hard at it every day.
“It’s a work in progress,” said Andrea. “It’s always a work in progress.”
